[venice beach]
by Deborah Castellano

Here is the important part.
We stumbled down the boardwalk
god drunk
We listened to the gypsy music
and gave money away like the paper
it is
she said
it’s not a bad place to be homeless
i said, how can they be homeless when
this is their home
I wanted to stay.
Wings as big as the crow
i pretend i am
my feet dirty and bare
all day
crow girl barrettes in my hair
Live on the beach and sell
fortunes for kisses
surf at dawn
sleep on the beach
i had already fallen in love
he had a sunstone and pointed
to my moonstone
i loved him so much in an hour
i didn’t know what to do with myself
i had never met a crowboy in person
(dark hair, eyes as blue as his ocean,
dirt on his lips)
he made bouquets of palm flowers
while we played out the fable of
me saying, i love him
i love him so much
i want to have ten billion of his crow babies
and her in her coyote skin daring me
to talk to him
daring me
to take him
we played out the fable some more
just for fun
at the beaded jewelry stand
while she looked at the necklace i wanted
i feigned disinterest
so when she picked out something else
i swooped in and took it
and i wasn’t sorry neither
We were recognized everywhere we went
for what we are
from the crowboy who looked into my eyes
like he could love me
from the jeweler
who told me there were crosses on his necklaces
for tax purposes
but he had no problem with god(s)
We started to leave
but i couldn’t
so i pulled her onto the beach
a flock of people were there
and i was curious
and she liked a party
just like always
they were drumming
and more and more people
came from nowhere
to drum the sun to sleep
she howled and i danced
and then we laid on the sand
watching the shy
and the not so shy
the gypsy girls dancing
the tourists wanting to dance
but their shoes wouldn’t let them
she said,
i have an idea, let’s drink the ocean
i said, you have the best ideas!
she said, that’s never a good sign
i ran into the ocean
all the way out
feeling the mermaid pull
to just
keep walking
i cup my hands into the water
thinking the salt will ground me
it tasted like water and secrets
i spat out the rest
We went to put our shoes back on
and i watched the sun setting
and i felt the pull
the siren pull
to stay forever
maybe that’s what happened to
the gyspies and the street kids
i thought about my other life
which felt so far away
with stupid desks and rent
(and him)
i knew i could stay
so i knew i had to leave
fast
before the sunset
and we were kept at the beach
forever
i grabbed her hand
and started running
i said, don’t look back!
we can’t get distracted
and She sang her siren song
pretty long curls, dirty barefeet
(“how long/ i’ve waited here for you/
everlong/ slow like you wanted it to be/i’m out of my head, over my head”)
I stopped
mesmerized
and she pulled my hand urgently
we can’t stop, she said
you know we can’t
we ran to her car
i lit a clove while she tried
to pretend like she remembered how to drive
i sucked the excess out of her third eye
and spat it out
both of us shaking
(god junkies)

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