Just finished posting up the Beltane pics. Its an open album, go look!
For GOG Beltane 2003 photos on the GOG site, go here!l.
Should be cleaning the house. Really really should. Should be lovealing
Max who is whining plaintively. But... Ive been wanting to write my
ritual report and Im scared Ill forget it.
It was such a lovely day. It really was, considering it was supposed to
rain buckets and be cold and wretched. It was a bit on the cold side, but
not awful and it was so bright and sunny out. The gods gave us our best
omen before the day even started.
So I had gotten into my silly little brain that, hey, wouldnt it be
cool to do an altar to Eris for the under-appreciated goddess of choice?
Its not quite (quite) as crackheaded as it initially sounds. When
I tranced out on All Souls Day I was drawn to her picture which had
a neat little fuzzy feather under her and i was petting it very carefully
at ed and normas and didnt know who she was until norma said
all gleefully, Thats Eris feather youre stroking.
I was like, doh. Nar good. But she kept knocking insistently. So fine,
I started looking into the discordian stuff and I saw that they had a lot
of really beautiful stuff hidden in their mess of silliness. No offense
to Discordians, but it didnt really fit for me (some Discordians are
silly for the sake of being silly and thats cool, its just not
who I am or how I see her). So I kind of put it aside some, but occasionally
I found myself doing stuff that would be like her. Im not into hurting
people for the sake of hurting people and Im a crap liar, but sometimes
minor situations can be interesting to turn a little and see what happens.
Also, my own internal sense of humor is so not funny to the general masses
generally. Anyway, so I decided to do an altar for her. I thought, since
she wasnt invited to the original party, why not have a picnic for
her? So I got a piece of the picnic gingham with the ants on it, used my
good dinnerware for her place, and painted a picture of her. I then used
a silver tray for a golden delicious apple and used red paper and used Word
greek and wrote, To the Fairest with a small english subtitle.
I baked cupcakes (it was actually brownie mix. Apparently, she wanted cupcake
brownies because I could swear I pulled cake mix off the shelf) and wrote,
Cake or Death? the same way. No one touched the brownie-cupcakeswhich
made sense, it was on an altar. I just thought more ppl would choose cake
over death. ;p And then I used Anis quote Those people who smile
a lot/ watch the eyes/ I know that because Im like that a lot/ you
think everythings okay... and it is... until its not for
her altar sign. The night before, she wanted me to invoke her, so I did.
Believe me, it didnt seem like the keenest idea at the time to me
either, but pissing her off wouldnt help either. Wound up getting
into a huge fight with josh over lord knows what but it got me thinking
about the lesson there How can you sow discord (which can be a fancy
word for change thats difficult to see) if you dont know what
it feels like when its done to you? And it gave me perspective on
the issue of compassion thinking about how to show it because most
people deserve it, and thinking about when not to because some people dont.
Interesting. I found people had one of two reactions to her altar
either to stand there giggling or to widely veer away from it.
So the next interesting event of the day (besides the usual nice flower
wreath making, and there was Nejs fairy-box making which was nice,
but i was a little glamoured out still from the glamour bombing workshop
we did for Rutgers Pagans so i wasnt as into it as i usually would
be, and there was Jens Cthulu-making which was amusing, you could
make tiny pocket sized ones because you never know when you need to whip
one out for mass destruction. You could give them little sand pails and
shovels and stuff too. April would have been greatly amused.) was the faery
dancing which Ed found from the Druid ancient archives from 1985 (think
thats the date).
Nej and Ed made a pretty faery circle with incense burning, lavender, shiny
things, etc. A bunch of people were drumming, and we were going to dance
around the circle 27 times (dont know the significance of the number
besides the obvious [enough times to get you loosened up and enough times
to get you worn out]). Lauren and Christoph had come with, and Lauren was
dancing with me and the boys were taking pictures. Ed gave this rock solid
invocation to the fae and we all bolted off like a herd of deer. It was
a really odd feeling for me, I had danced for hours during my Lammas and
was only mostly-pickled, but after the first few laps I started breathing
hard. I had taken off my shoes and I was wearing bells, my wings, barefeet.
I didnt even realize it but josh said I took off into a serious sprint
at one point. I would close my eyes and start twirling and dancing and my
hands were buzzing from it and I would lose whole moments, which was scary
for me and when Id open my eyes, Id be dancing very very close
to the circle but not close enough to burn myself. I kept coming to when
I was just short of burning myself. I didnt really feel a specific
something, but I felt like I couldnt stop, like I was being urged
on and I felt like they (the fae?) would run me to death if I let them.
A lot of people say its because the fae dont care. I dont
think its a lack of caring per se, I think its more like if
they smell enough otherkin in you they think you are and forget your human
body cant handle it. When we ended, I needed to ground hard. I threw
myself on the ground and tried to ground out. I had my forehead to the ground
and I was practically eating grass to try to come down. I hadnt had
such a hard time grounding since I did a power spiral for the first time
with the dianics five years ago. It felt totally different to me than doing
the Orisha stuff. This felt a lot harsher. But it was so intense at the
same time. Josh came over and I curled into his lap and that helped a lot.
Norma came by and said, How are you, O Toasted One? I said,
I dont know *what* you are talking about. Josh said, Ah.
Your inner court name is She Who Lies Badly. Norma cackled and said,
It always has been. Norma seems to take a lot of joy in seeing
me totally plastered off my ass on the energy. But of course, me being the
crackhead I am, the first thing I say to Ed (who is generally similiarly
crackheaded), is Again! Again!
And the actual ADF ritual was cool. I like the way Erica runs Beltane, its
quick and to the point. She asked me to invoke fire. Around that time, I
felt Eris kind of step in. I felt really again... intense but in a totally
different way. It was like leashed cold anger, waiting for someone to fuck
up or piss me off. I felt the way I carried myself become totally different,
like old school courtly. I invoked fire and even though I didnt say
much and had a lot of candles to burn (for the balefire) everyone was dead
quiet, which was interesting in itself. Brendas little girl had been
eyeing up my wings all day and when i asked her before if she wanted to
put them on, she was all shy and shook her head no. So she was watching
me again all interested (dont ask me what she was seeing) and I said,
Do you want to wear them? And this time she nodded all enthusiastic. So
I knelt in the mud and put them on her. It was very cute. I hadnt
been planning on offering praise, but right before the cue for it, I asked
(okay, still in Eris mode, so lets just say strongly suggested) Josh
to bring me the champagne glass full of sparkling cider (heh) to me. Erica
said, who has praise? I felt I should go first (more like a hard internal
push) but I resisted because I hate going first and no one went so finally
I let myself get shoved and I said (again, feeling totally different in
how I carry myself), Eris, I may not have wanted you here, but you
are. I drank half and poured the other onto the ground (the instinct
was to pour it into the well, but I didnt want to squick ppl) and
spun on my heel. I hear Erica say, Hail Eris! and hear everyone
So it was a really keen day. Josh and I took our usual long walk into the
woods and were all gushy and kissyfaced and it was so groovy. I love going
a-Maying with him, I always remember full force how in love we are. Yeah.
Ending before theres excessive gushing.
[34 people attended. Omens: Ancestors- a ribbon in a tree from last year;
Nature Spirits- site is happy were here, thinks Porsche fanciers on
the hill are weird; Goddesses and Gods- Conduct yourselves well;
Seer- nice weather, notice darkness all around us, were in a puddle
were driving and I said
You smell like exboyfriend
all still wearing the same cologne
smelling like eveapples
with your nice safe girlfriend
who isnt prone to fits
or animal behavior
no riot grrrl thoughts drowning in her head
I will be the girlfriend that always
haunts your brain
and took off my jackie o sunglasses
put up my roof
You and everyone else, darling
in the parking lot at my work where
everyone thinks were having an affair
and said (wistful as a jane austen hero)
I wish I was someone special to you
not just another broken exboyfriend
(you and everyone else, darling)