script for GOG's 2008 mummers play


	"Hello Mari Lwyd, Goodbye Year" -- A Mummer's Play for Grove of the Other Gods Yule 2008 (With bits from traditional Welsh and British mummers' plays. By Ed Chapman) Characters Mari Lwyd: Alex Hero: Mischa Merryman: Ed Doctor: Xuk Saucy Jack: Kerry ---- Merryman (or DIC): IT is here by your leave, Ladies and Gentlemen, We will act, a sporting play; We will show you fine diversion, Before we go away. Give us room, room, brave gallant boys! Give us room to rhyme, We will show you fine diversion For it is holiday time. Give us room, room, give us room to sport, This is the place we wish to resort To resort and to repeat our pretty rhyme, Remember good folks it is Solstice time. This holiday time as we now appear, We wish to act our merry pageant here; We are the merry actors that travel the street, We are the merry actors who fight for our meat, We are the merry actors who show pleasant play, We are the merry actors who won't go away! If you don't believe a word I say Enter in the Hero--- clear the way ! Hero: I am the Hero, and from stories have I sprung, Many are the noble deeds and wonders I have done. Full fourteen years in prison I was kept, And out of that into a cave I leap't, From thence I went into a rock of stone; 'Twas there I made my sad and grievous moan. Many were the lions that I did subdue, I ran the fiery dragon through and through; I fought the Giants and Titans and Formori If you're savvy, you'll know my story. But it's here in New Jersey, landfill of fun It is here that I draw my bloody weapon. Show me the man that dare before me stand I'll cut him down with my courageous hand! Who dares to challenge me to fight, and I so great? I who have fought Lords, Dukes, and made the earth to quake! Come now, I need a fight-- do I even need a reason? Then I need a fight to turn the season! Come now, I need a fight to make things right! To turn the wheel from dark to light! Mari: I am an old horse, and on my last legs I am worked to the bone and drunk to the dregs I have plowed in the spring, and frolicked in the summer In the fall I have fallen, and winter's a bummer. But I will fight you, and I will win. For the old year must die for the new to begin. FIGHT Mari: Ouch! Hero: Ouch! Mari: Ouch! Hero: Ouch! Hero (TURNS TO THE CROWD): I cannot give up, or stop for a snack, The hero must go on, as the sun must come back! (TURNS BACK TO STAB THE HORSE) Mari: Ouch! And yet you will lose this battle, of course. For you are only beating a dead horse. (BITES HERO) Hero: Ouch! A dead horse, it's true, but I can make you gallup! For I am the hero! And I never --- foul up! (STABS HORSE) Mari: Ouch! Yet again and again you die for us all! For the new year to rise, the old year must (BITES HERO THREE TIMES) -- fall! Hero: Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Oh! You have me! Look! My blood is spilled! I cannot linger longer! Ack! Ouch! I am killed! (HERO TURNS TO CROWD AND PAUSES TO EXPLAIN IN SOBER ACADEMIC TERMS THE PURPOSE OF HIS DEATH) As the old year dies so must I die too and rise up as the year anew. Pity me, the eternal hamster: I turn the wheel of the seasons for all of you. HERO IS SLAIN (BIG LONG SHAKESPEAREAN DEATH SCENE) Ack! Ouch! Et cetera! Merryman: Hamster, or just plain ham? O Doctor! Doctor! is there a doctor to be found, Can cure the hero of his deep and deadly wound? ENTER Doctor: Wound? Oh yes! Sir, yes! There is a doctor to be found Can cure this hero of a deep and deadly ... wound. Merryman: Are you a good physician? Can you cure him? Doctor: What's his condition? Does he have insurance? Merryman: Insurance he has none, there's none to find. Our hero's an archetype, he works for mankind. The benefits are few, the wages are zero. (BEGS ON HIS KNEES) From the goodness of your heart, can you cure our hero? Doctor: Twenty pounds down is my fee, But half of that I'll take from thee. Merryman: There's at least ten pounds down there on the floor. The question we ask is: Do you fancy a cure? Doctor: A cure! I can cure all sorts of diseases! The itch, the stitch, and whatever you pleases! All pains within, all pains without! The plague, the palsy, the paisley, the gout! I can cure the grimace, the frown, and the pout. Bring all your sick to me, and have no doubt Whether they're thin, or ever so stout, If there's ninety-nine diseases in I'm bound to fetch a hundred out. I have an infinity of cures in my pockets For lame ducks I have intangible crutches I have spectacles for blind bumble bees And a hair of the dog in case you've got fleas Plasters I have for broken-backed mice And pills that will cure you not once, but twice! Moon-jumping cows, I've cured a whole herd of. I have drugs the FDA hasn't even heard of! I cured Prince Harry of an agony A hundred yards long in France, So surely, I can cure this poor man. Merryman: What medicines do you carry Doctor? Doctor: A little bottle in my pocket of reesum peesum, Prixum-Paxum, with bill-an-fleece-em Ibru-ronic and polstice postules... Here-- put a little of this to his nostrils. (BENDS DOWN WITH BOTTLE OF STUFF) Here Jack, take a sup from my nip-nap. Rise and walk. Run a few laps. THE HERO REVIVES, RUBS HIS EYES Doctor: I've cured this man all safe and sound Just as I've said: I've healed his -- wound I've bled his thirst and quenched his blood And he's as good as he ever stood. Hero: Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. A-sleeping I have been. I have had such a sleep, The like was never seen: Dreams of peace and prosperity this new year brings for you and me! Dreams of longer days, brighter days! Flowers in bud! Green on the trees! Dreams of falling interest rates! And mortgage bills that aren't late! I dreamed the Dow at fifteen-thousand, and universal health insurance! Gas at fifty cents a gallon! And solar panels on every buildin' ! But now I am awake! And soon wakes the year! But wait! What's this I hear? ENTER SAUCY JACK Jack: In comes I, Saucy Jack With all my family on my back. Yuletide comes but once a year And when it comes it brings good cheer. Good cheer I bring, and even more I bring the Yuletide to your door! On my back and in my pack There's nothing merry that I lack. I bring it in, and you can guess I bless you all with much success! And now we poor actors have a song to do And if you know what's good for you, You will sing it too! DECK THE HALLS Deck the halls with boughs of holly, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Tis the season to be jolly, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Don we now our gay apparel, Fa la la, la la la, la la la. Troll the ancient Yule tide carol, Fa la la la la, la la la la. See the blazing Yule before us, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Strike the harp and join the chorus. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Follow me in merry measure, Fa la la la la, la la la la. While I tell of Yule tide treasure, Fa la la la la, la la la la. --------------------------- Characters Mari Lwyd: Alex Hero: Mischa Merryman: Ed Doctor: Xuk Saucy Jack: Kerry